woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize