508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
