i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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