Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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