hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize