sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
