Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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