Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
