Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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