After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
