oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
