if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
