I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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