Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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