Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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