I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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