I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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