I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
