Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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