Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
