I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you inspire me to be a worse person
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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