Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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