If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
A bitchslap is in order.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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