my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
