At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
