My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
