explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
