This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
