I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
