that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
