Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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