So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
