the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
