Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
