Where did you get a picture of my penis
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
