either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
