If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
