Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
