found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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