she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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