So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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