like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize