it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
