So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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