so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
