he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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