yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
