Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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