am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
