Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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