Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
