all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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