I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
vagina is talking i cant
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
