please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
