I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
