well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
