I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is wine microwaveable?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she pinky promised me she was 18
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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