some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
its liver damage thursday
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
