I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
