when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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