so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
