Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
