I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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