I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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