How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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