Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she smelled like a LAN party
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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