i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
