sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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