Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
