The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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