two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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