i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just fell off a train. Bad.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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