I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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